If there only was an instrument which could measure the depth of one’s joy; if the god only had devised the happiness as a tangible form so that others can see it; or if happiness was but just like the four elements of earth so that we can feel it, I, at this very moment would not let my fingers roll over this dusty keyboard for the discourse of the dance my fingers perform and the expression of the words they write are but far far below the true feelings of my heart.
Today, on this beautiful eve of the 26th Oct, 2011, with the Embassy of Bhutan in New Delhi dressed in mesmerizing and colorful lights, at my rate about three hundred of Bhutanese students and employees in Delhi were awaiting the arrival of our newly married royal couple. After a few minutes of my unease on the chair, my brows raised quite above others heads for there appeared from the left our beloved king and queen beaming forth the beautiful rays of compassion and love in to the little hearts of their humble subjects.
As our majesty’s words of how important the social values and education are to us throughout our lives enthralled our ears as to the melody of the sweetest music, our hearts were enraptured in boundless ecstasy and felt more responsive as I ever felt. And though our withered virtues and merits haven’t pulled us to the actual wedding at Changlingmithang to witness our Majesty’s balmier kisses on beauteous check of Her Majesty, some residue of our virtues had graced us to witness our royal kisses once again on this wondrous evening.
Shortly, with those valuable words and beautiful sights we all in small groups with His and Her Majesty rejoiced at a cup of tea and snacks. It was like a folk of birds encircling their father and mother and rejoicing at their presence and kind words. And would anyone believe me if I say that at that very moment I with tears in my eyes placed myself aside, took out a pen and a sheet of paper, noted down something, something which could convince the world around me, then paused for a moment and crumpled it and flew it down to the ground for those I scribbled on it would not be possible to express how happy my heart was?
Within no time the joyous event came to an abrupt end and we all drove back to our respective homes with all hearts elated and enlightened. Now, as I lay in between these four dark walls of my empty room, my mind wandered sometimes in to the past and oftentimes danced in the vision of tomorrow with my head tossing left and right seeking for the sleep which would never come.
I could from those rattling windows discern the yellow autumn leaves falling down on a low ground; the sun with his sorrow had rendered the western horizon crimson red, and those tremulous doe eyes ebbed with unshed tears. She never once looked straight in to my eyes; perchance that is the most difficult part at hand. Our only daughter crawled about her loving father who is yet to disappear forever.
The passion in our hearts had gone wild and released the words of loving kindness, but our tongues weighed hundred pounds which otherwise would constantly prate for hours and without reasons. A glass of water which at that very hour was halfway arrested at my lips seemed dry, chocking my throat and would need another glass of water to flush it down.
“Oh my love, don’t be saddened, for your loving kindness has bestowed me with miraculous potentials to blow the enemies at war” was when I broke the quietness. She turned away her face from me and silence was all her answer.
At the very moment, from a distant hillside roared my dangerous companions, holding banners high in the sky proclaiming lives, and sand dusts blowing up like the dark smoke of a wildfire, shouting, howling and screaming at the top of their voices.
My beloved flounced away and hurried to her altar, with her shivering hands lit a butter lamp therein.
Then she turned back, with hot flushes of emotions, threw her longing hands round my neck and whispered in to the hollow of my fearful ears with incessant cries and sobs;
“Oh dear! Will you leave me all alone? Oh beloved! Will you not speak me a word? Alas! What untimely has this insolent and thirsty fate wrought my heart to its very bottom? How can I now define my life but in absence of my love? People say that they need their beloveds when they are in need, they say they need them when they feel lonely and to make their livings but I must say that I need you when you are not with me.” That is the very hour when my powerful eyes simply didn’t have any control over the torrential flow of my tears.
Within no time were my fellow mates awaiting my coming at our solitary garden below our silhouette. And it was only when her warm hands left my cold bosom that my pale face could no longer hold back its true expressions and my heart broke in to hundred pieces but how would I ever disclose it, how?
She escorted me to my battle mates and straight away I myself became one of them. She didn’t have any word to say save prayers in her heart for I myself was speechless. The moment I hugged our daughter and kissed the lonely lips of my beloved is the moment when my mates pulled me on to a horse and galloped away in to the malicious forest.
I cleared my eyes, looked back and could see her left hand holding our daughter, her right hand was pressed against her heart, she wasn’t at ease, was yelping, saying something quite vivid but I was far away in to the dusts to comprehend her words, hence I vanished in to the wilderness.
After seven years we hoisted our flags of victory at the battlefield and then, with all my hopes and joys rekindled, turned my happy face homeward. “O dear! How much have I missed you? In your absence, I was simply like a plant striving to thrive in the desert, and like a destitute flower longing for its love messenger, the wasp. Come my love come, I am back to you, I would now no longer be able to bear your absence. Come, come close to my heart for I will never be away anymore” was all that clung to my joyous heart as I drove back.
Yester eve I safely reached my garden and prepared myself of my face and hands to hold my beloved. And I walked forward smiling, walked forward and walked forward until I beheld my only daughter nestled in the crossed arms of her tearful cousin and myself standing on a sorrowful grave like a doe who has lost its mother.
Stream; Good morrow, youngest and beautiful tree i ever saw on my course!
Tree; Where the hell are you coming from awaking me at 5 o'clock?
Stream; Pardon me little boy, i beseech you.
Tree; If u ever again do this, i'll barricade your flow with my mighty roots and rotten will you parish here.
Tree; But the joy i am blessed with singing this song is immeasurable.
Tree; Stop. I will plague your tongue, be quiet. do not break my peace.
Stream; No matter what you say, I've got to norish and nurse you with extra care for you
are too young to comprehend.
Tree; Why dn't you otherwise cease to exist?
Stream; Alas! How can my words make you understand?
Tree; Therefore off you now. I'll spur high above the mounts to watch and destroy your source.
Will send my leaves where you respite so that
i can ablaze your resting place. And then you never will start or end.
At this the stream was shattered and saddened. Then next season (winter), stream planned to reduce its own amount through its channel so that the disturbance can be minimized though it was
next to impossible to get all gone.
The tree with bundles of resentments, pushed itself high in to the sky to look for the source, but was unable to define it. Sky itself was its source sometimes and at other times unseen.
Its leaves hurried to the shore to burn its home but only to repent with incessant cries and sobs for the ocean was vast and silent, welcoming and venerable.
The very day, the tree weeped with torrential flow, and its heart melted down to its roots. As a sign of regret the leaves of the tree cried whenever it rains with drops from its leave tops, as a token of its respect it sent those ivy from its heart to the ground and bow down with unthinkabable submissiveness.
Hark! Hark! With my unsubstantial body twisted westward,
Balanced heavily betwixt those two bonny toes halfway arrested in the space;
The dusty palm adding to the lope of the curious ears hanging from the bewildered head;
O Nightingale; is it you that sooth my breath, or is it an empty tiger sending its unbearable message?
I will heed but not to all these baseless distractions;
For it will conquer my peace which otherwise prevails in my beauteous domain;
Neither certain whence the sound bloweth from nor the source therefore trumpeth forth;
Or my own spirit did scare me with his jests lest I walk lost in thoughts; I attend not.
The shimmering moon bestrides the floating clouds of the eastern hills;
The torrential brook wailed its song through the tiny narrow ravine;
The gentle south-western breeze caresses through the hanging cypress leaves;
And I, bestowed with the streaking moonlight under the cypress, walk alone.
Give me a lute, or lyre, or anything, anything will do;
For passion in my heart burns with hunger, like unreasonable cries of a child;
Do ebb my tremulous eyes; thrill, quivering all my body, awaking every hair like a reed;
Shuddered those feeble shoulders and shiver hath plagued restless feet.
Not in hundred thousand years would have the nature blessed this earth with her sheer tranquility;
Not in this whole world, has one sucked the sweet honey from warm bosom of the Mother Nature;
Nor in my entire lifetime, would have the gods misunderstood me for a lord;
For I am unreasonably advantaged, enrapturing my heart in boundless ecstasy of nature.
In such moments of enlightened self, how dare my foot torture a blade of leaf?
Or wonder of what thoughts shall I think, and of what pace I breathe the air around me;
Had I the power to kiss the moonlight and hug the gentle breeze blowing against my breast;
Therefore do I merrily open my arms to the world and walk forward in an uncertain direction.
But oh! What light breaks through yonder space, augmentation does it to moonlit earth;
Does my eyesight fail me tonight, reverie even as I walk? Perhaps nay, my spirit awake;
My furrowed forehead projecting forward, brows raised quite above it normal horizon;
Was I stationed there simply helpless trying to regain my lost consciousness.
Shame be most beauteous blossom of all on the earth for it lies but beneath her mark;
Even now burning candle her adorned hand holds droops in reverence for her angelic face lightens brighter;
Had I in school days but learned to encounter in true hours of such beauties;
But alas, beyond imagination did I not realize to prove myself a mad wooer.
Comes forth? Oh nerves, my heart, fail me not for thou fail forever if thou canst not prove thyself here;
Clear me my clouded eyes, if she be my form likewise angelic or demon in human form;
Oh, blasphemy! Cursed be my tongue for thus uttering the last;
Still! Still! She raises her light, what fortune had spring sown for unproved man like me?
She
Anybody else there?
Me
A…ay …Aye me, wa.. lking for ……
She
Come hither, for moonlight canst not let me acknowledge anyone distant.
When she said this:
My nerves which at the battlefield would stand any unknown danger now tinge and shiver;
Hurried heart beats, with bated breath and in whispering humbleness I sang to her;
I beseech you beauteous lady, for thou in my esteem, an object of veneration;
Pardon me, if my meagre form ever offends your eyesight or husky unfaithful voice deafens your ear;
Be not perplexed though, for I too am startled with what beauty my unbridled eyes are lain upon;
And be not afraid, my words too fast unknown, my heart too unprepared known to hold them back.
She
Beauty is but a form of wax, which even does not belong to so called me;
The fearful time though drunk with flatter or asleep, at his whim takes it away unasked;
Tonight, night of all nights does my heart surge with tenderness, thence lay unarmed;
Bethink not too fast or too easy blown, else karmic residue has ripened where two strangers now stand.
Me
Oh Triple Gem! Blessed be those two, for blessed is their invisible connection;
Generous Dhakini, clear off any untoward occurrence envious hidden the path we trade;
Oh holy lama, preach us thy thoughts, for this world be covered with thy compassion;
And fair lady; attend closely to the words of your moved stranger.
Behold me O wondrous’
No entice nor baseless pleasure do I bespeak lair;
But with a fair ostent of love;
With my happy hands crown thee here.
Words my heart long to pronounce;
Intoxicates me if left untold;
Told not attended or denounced;
Whirl in to the abyss my heart.
Flower that blossometh gentle feelings afore my eyes;
Shower me with your everlasting rays;
Beyond earth and sky;
Is the incessant love I bear for thee.
Of worldly possessions I bid farewell;
Am I now set forth even death conspires me;
For no unattained hopes will my spirit suffer;
And buried will I lay withal.
Whence come you?
Wherefore art thou here?
What name should I thus call you by?
Or oh! Will your kindness extend thy arms?
She
Here is my hand;
Hold it for it belongs to thee forever;
Mindu Gyalmo am I known to the world;
Whatever thou callest will sweeten my ear.
Guest am I and my only father here;
For you canst descry burning hearth of my host ahead;
Golden ring my deceased mother at her death bed adorned my finger;
Slid away from my undeserving hand and I walk for its recovery now.
Me
Oh! Let me be thy fellow mate at search, for thy will, mine too;
From miles hath the waves driven thee thither;
It is then my will; I intent to attend at your mistress’s command;
Free are thee to set me at any will at thy whim.
Mindu Gyalmo
Nay, I beseech thee, for the ring is gone, let it be;
On account of the ring have I found a more beauteous ring;
Thou art timeless yet everlasting ring of my heart;
Wilt thou be but consistent with thy own thoughts?
Me
Invisible is the shores of the mighty ocean;
Immeasurable is the depth of the Pacific;
Uncountable is the stars in the open sky;
And boundless is my love for you, O wonder!
Aye! Aye! Let me hold thee close to my heart;
Prove wilt I to thee of myself invariable;
Unlike to the moon which itself cease of its next form;
Worthiness shall my heart hold unto thee henceforth.
Mindu gyalmo
Alas! Will no one still cover the night with shade?
Oh dimming moon! Stay awhile, for my words seldom visits you;
Envious summits of the eastern hills, be not brightened;
My lonely heart has to drive miles away at the daybreak.
Oh beloved! What warmth shall your bosom warm my cheek?
I canst feel your heart beat for it sets mine too in tune;
Even now can I hear it whispering in to my empty ears;
I am afraid for my heart will long for it every second of the hour.
(Thunder claps and Lightning)
Me
What mishap conspires against our truly beheld moment?
Let me hold thee close for nothing ill can betray our hours;
O! What air hath rendered your piteous hand icy cold?
For now will my balmier lips warm thy little fingers.
(Thunder)
Close to my heart, close…
At that very moment, I flew my blankets over my legs and woke up to see myself but in my friend’s bedroom for whisky had numbed my senses last eve. The alarm was constantly ringing at the clock and would not cease. Like a furious cat I pounced on it and raised it high above my head so that I can crush it in to hundred pieces but… What? ‘I will hold thee close to my heart’! “Oh clock! I remember”. I then gently lowered it, looked at all four sides and pressed softly against my heart.
I drew the curtains apart, the twilight bade me farewell and the eastern horizon appeared clearer, but everything was still and quite. My companion who was lying on the floor was at his snores. Then I pulled back my blankets but those words bore me countless repetitions but I once again covered my head to dream again.
